"It's not like that, Shawn!" He shoots back with a frown at an implication that sober he would know wasn't there; "I didn't sleep with a guy, we talked... and maybe fistbumped. Just once. But he's really nice and he cooks better than my grandma."

And no human on earth cooks better than his grandma.

"If I could meet a girl like him that was single and not crazy I'd be set."